Creative Urgency

*“Space to Breathe” Collage on Paper in Solid Maple Frame*

I am at a point in my life where, unless I live past 122, I have less time left than I have already put to use. Doctors say things like, “That’s normal at your age.” Young people think I am old, which will change when they are my age. Elderly people think I am young and wish they could do what they did in their sixties. It’s not a bad place to be actually.

I am comfortable with who I am, although I know that I am still becoming the someone else I aspire to be. I have made a lot of progress, many missteps and acquired and lost friends along the way. I have achieved things that I am proud of but mostly I am proud of myself for having become the person I needed to be in order to achieve them. Yet, there is a tension in me that will not relent to my mental reminders that I have done enough and I am just fine the way I am. I think about improving every day. Some days I know exactly what that means and some days I have no idea what I would need to change to be better.

I will say this, I have within me an urgency around my creativity. What if I don’t get to make all the things I want to make? What if I run out of time? or worse What if I am no longer able to make those things and am burdened with a lot more time but no creative abilities? What those things might be is not the point. The desire to create is the point. I want to be able to create art, write, cook, hike, travel and do the things I enjoy with the people I love.

I realize that no one gets all the time they want. There will always be another place to travel, trail to explore, meal to savor, story to write and artwork to create. The problem is that I, like everyone, have no idea when the time will run out. And so, I feel this urgency around getting into my studio, making something, writing another book, planning another adventure and on and on. The problem is that urgency creates tension. Tension creates stress. Stress steals creative flow. Creative flow needs time. It’s a conundrum.

Here’s how I plan to confront the problem. First, accept that whatever I create is a gift to me from the forces that watch over me. Second, know that if I run out of time, there will be a creative soul that picks up where I left off and the Universe will guide them too. Finally, that we collectively are responsible for the act of creativity. What you bring to the world adds to what I put into it. It’s additive. My contributions don’t take away from anyone else and what you add benefits the whole as well.

Instead of feeling that there isn’t enough time, I know that there is enough time for what I am supposed to do. There is enough time for what you are supposed to do too. That said, you will never be younger than you are right now. What do you plan to contribute to the world? Don’t rush. Go slowly. Going slow is smooth. Going smoothly is fast. Let’s amaze each other with the creative outcomes. It’s urgent.

Less is Challenging