The Truth About Fear

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Be afraid and do it anyway.” Have you been in a place where you stopped yourself from doing something because of fear? What exactly are we afraid of? If you’re afraid of heights you might not choose to go jump out of an airplane. But would it stop you from flying to a vacation destination? There’s a difference isn’t there? One scenario means you will be plummeting toward Earth faster than feels comfortable. The other is that a qualified professional will get you from point A to Point B and you will have a seat belt, beverage and a snack.

So, maybe it’s not the fear that is the problem. (Hint: it’s really not the fear.) Maybe it’s the story we have concocted in our head that is the problem.

Speaking from experience, there was a time that all my work was small. When I started out, I didn’t want to “waste” materials so I made small pieces. Even though I had an abundance of fabric, I didn’t want to use it up on something that might not turn out good. And to be fair, most of my art quilts start out as two relatively small pieces of fabric stitched together and they end when I feel that I have added enough little pieces to make a big piece. Here is one example that was made one square at a time. I didn’t know where this was going at first, but it gave me directions as I went along. One piece at a time.

“Bridges” 30” X 46”

The thing that I learned in the process of making this piece is that the fear of making something big disappeared once I was actually making it. You see fear is a mile wide but only an inch deep.

“Let’s Get Takeout” 24” X 30”

Here’s another piece that is reasonably large. I was making a lot of smaller collage pieces and I came across a larger canvas. Granted, it’s not huge but when compared to the 12” X 12” pieces I was focused on, it was a stretch. In the end, I saw a lot of chopsticks in this piece and so it called itself “Let’s Get Takeout”. It started with two layers of dark grey paint and one piece of vintage book page. Once I had one piece in place, I stood back and added another piece and another until I arrived at what you see here. I learned a lot about collage with this piece. The smaller pieces helped me get comfortable with the process but, having a bigger landscape to play with broadened my vision of what was possible. How was I going to make it all come together? One piece at a time until I stood back and said, yes. That’s everything I want to put on there. And along with losing the fear of making something bigger, I built my confidence in my ability to do so.

You can be afraid to do a lot of things. Meet new people, show your art, hike 45 miles in the backcountry carrying all your necessities, travel to foreign lands, start a new job, public speaking, and on and on. Yes, fear is a mile wide.

Here’s the thing. Once you dip your toe in the fear, you will find it’s only an inch deep. Meeting new people seems intimidating until you are involved in a conversation and find out that you have some things in common. In all my travels I have discovered that when you are really lost, someone will notice and they will help you. In fact, in many times that I have felt a bit fearful the arrival of intuition, divine redirection or assistance has arrived.

My latest fear that I have tackled is the backcountry backpacking trip I am preparing for. A few years ago, a friend asked me if I wanted to hike The Hundred Mile Wilderness section of the Appalachian Trail. I turned her down. Part of me believed that I could hike it but, fear kept me from going. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I bought the gear and never used it again? What if the other three people had to help me carry my gear? What if I wasn’t strong enough? And on and on.

That turned into a real regret for me. I should have trained. I should have tried. And so, as this regret festered in the back of my mind as an opportunity lost, I figured out how to overcome it. I have been training for over three months now for a backpacking trip where I will carry all my necessities for 5 days, traveling approximately 45 miles in backcountry Utah. As I researched how to prepare every single concern I had began to dissolve. What to pack? Check. How to train? Check. Logistics? Check. One thousand little decisions that has brought me from carrying 15 pounds for two hours to carrying 33+ pounds for 4 hours at a time. My fear has been transformed into confidence because when I stepped into the fear, I found that it was not that deep. I could take the first step and then another. I could carry 15 pounds and then 16. I could hike for two hours and then two hours and 15 minutes.

Getting back to creativity and making art. A lot of artists are a bit fearful of creating big art. I used to be like that with my art quilting and I still have a little trepidation about making a really big painting. I mean really big. I see these artists making painting that are 6 feet by 6 feet and think holy cow! That would be cool. But, I haven’t done it yet. Why? The canvas would be expensive and what if I mess it up? What if the painting doesn’t turn out well? What if I use up a lot of expensive paint? Here’s what I think about that now. What if I just get one canvas and give it a try? Treat myself. Use my less expensive paint on the first few layers? Figure out how to make bigger marks or maybe make myself some big brushes. As I ponder the project the fear slowly fades until I reach the point of feeling just enough confidence to give it a try.

Once you take on a challenge, it’s a good ideas to stop and look back at what you’ve done. Afraid to carry 33 pounds? Look back at 15 and 20 and 27 and realize that each of those felt heavy. Now I head out and 33+ feels pretty comfortable.

Afraid of making a big painting? Look back at the smallest work and then the next size up and the next size up and so on. Looking back at what you believed you could do and realizing that you are capable of so much more lives on the other side of fear. So before you stop yourself from trying that thing that piques your interest or replays itself over and over again in your mind, think about the smallest first possible step. Do that. Then do the next smallest possible step. Because the truth about fear is that letting it stop you will be one of your biggest regrets.